Hoping to make some new mom friends but not having much luck? We can relate. Kidding Around’s Jennifer Curry remembers moving to the Upstate area as a new mom and trying to meet new friends. She’s sharing some of her experiences and some tips and ideas to make finding new mom friends a reality!
I’ll let you in on a secret. Those pictures you see of groups of moms laughing together so easily while their kids play in the background – that’s either fake news or those moms have worked really hard to form those relationships. If my own friendship journey is any indication, making mom friends is nowhere as easy as they make it look. It’s like dating – and we all remember how uncomfortable that can be.
If you are reading this because you are looking for mom friends, please know you are not alone. I can guarantee there are tons of women scrolling through Instagram and Facebook alone, wishing they were hanging out with a friend. Women are texting their friends from back home wishing they had mom friends in Spartanburg and Greenville.
As a newcomer to Spartanburg with an infant, I was desperate to make mom friends. Being far from family and friends, all I wanted was to know someone well enough that she could leave crackers and ginger ale on my doorstep if my family came down with the dreaded stomach bug. But, finding those people turned out to be much harder than I anticipated.
To make you feel better, here are just a few of my mom friend fails:
- I worked from home and never saw anyone except my husband during our first few months. When he started to ask me during date nights what my friends on The View talked about that day, I knew I needed to make some real-life friends.
- I signed up for prenatal yoga, believing this is where I would make my mom friends. I ended up being the only person in the class. Instead of making mom friends, I had really awkward one-on-one yoga sessions while pregnant.
- We visited churches, and everyone was kind. But, for me, it seemed obvious that while the women in attendance were nice, they already had their people. How do you infiltrate an already formed cluster of friends? You don’t.
- I attended an advertised Moms Night Out where the only other mom who came was the host. It was a ploy to sell me something.
- I acted way too excited about seeing another mom in public – and she clearly did not remember who I was.
Thankfully, my story does not end there. I did find my mom friends, and they have taken turns leaving ginger ale and crackers on my doorstep. Now, I’m telling you my secret.
How to Make Mom Friends
- Find the Moms – Learn from my mistakes. Leave the house and don’t assume the moms will be at prenatal yoga. Instead, go where the moms actually are, such as library storytimes or events held specifically for moms.
- Join a Group – Organizations such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and Moms Club International are both great ways to find mom friends here in Spartanburg. Their primary purpose is to help moms find support in their community.
- Stop Saying “Let’s Get Together” and Actually Get Together – Quite possibly my best piece of advice is to stop saying, “Let’s get together soon!” You keep seeing the same mom at storytime, and you exchange pleasantries. Once storytime is over, and it is time to wrangle the kids, you say, “We should get together sometime.” She replies, “Yeah! We should!” Then, you both go your separate ways and do not actually get together.
Get Together
Here’s the magic trick. Invite her to get together at a specific time and place. It is as simple as “We are heading to Chick-fil-a for lunch tomorrow, would you like to join us?” or “Do you want to meet at the park on Wednesday? We usually go around 10.” This one trick changed my whole mom-dating game.
- Take the First Step – I know how hard it is to take the first step. Since making mom friends feels like dating, it is awkward and risky to take the first step. But, it is also necessary. Look for opportunities to introduce yourself to a mom at the park or the play place. Find ways to invite other moms to hang out. If you wait for someone to invite you, you may be waiting for a while.
- Open Your Home – Another one that may put you out of your comfort zone is to open your home to others. Yes, you have kids, and your house is messy. But, it is so much easier to have a real conversation in someone’s home instead of the middle of a noisy indoor play place.
- Be Yourself – Finally, you must be yourself. We all have these ideas of what moms are supposed to look like and act like. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Instead, be your true self – yoga pants and dry-shampooed hair or total fashionista.
Where have you met your mom friends?
It makes me so sad to think of women who are doing all of this alone without other mom friends. I’ve made amazing friends from breastfeeding support group and the mom and baby yoga classes I teach in Greenville at the children’s museum! Hoping to maybe someday start offering something similar at TCMU in Spartanburg. The children’s museum in Spartanburg is amazing. I took my baby when he was only three weeks old and again at seven months.